i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
