brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
