do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
