a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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