im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
