i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
