Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
