Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
