I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My feet surprised me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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