hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
