Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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