Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
