nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
