Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
