Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar

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(541): View more from Oregon

I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.

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(760): View more from California

You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker

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(818): View more from California

I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.

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(530): View more from California

75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.

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(361): View more from Texas

At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...

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