then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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