I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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