You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
