So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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