my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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