It's Friday. Sex?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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