my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
