Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
