I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
