Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize