whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
