...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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