ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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