mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
