eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize