What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
