I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
