thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
