Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
