i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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