dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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