I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
