Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
