Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize