Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
