I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
