New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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