OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize