I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
