wake up i wanna do it froggy style
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
