I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
