i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
