dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
