remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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