when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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