And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
