Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
