I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
