Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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