How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize