I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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