I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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