Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
