I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
