so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
