Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
