So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize