If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
