Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
