It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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