Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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