i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
