help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
