1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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