He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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