school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
